This amazing and awe inspiring creed ( which honestly rivals the Shema) had its noble beginnings in 2021 by Reverend Racheal Small-Stokes in a voice-to-texting error. No, I’m not kidding.

Stokes, a lesbian and LGBTQ+ advocate, stated the following, “I was voice-to-texting the Apostles’ Creed to a colleague, and it translated as ‘The Sparkle Creed’. I decided that’s exactly what we need for Pride Month. So here is my first jab at it. Feel free to share if it moves you.”

I was certainly moved as I am sure many of you will be as well.  So, let us stop and ponder at the painstaking thought and consideration it took to give birth to this priceless little gem. I know for myself that some of my greatest achievements have come through a voice to text error, or a spell check faux pas. I mean who can’t relate? If only Shakespeare had been born a few centuries later, or Wycliffe and Tyndale had stumbled across this voice to text phenomenon…the possibilities may have been endless.

But apparently, I am not alone in my wonder and awe. It has exploded in popularity among the progressive and woke congregations.

Recently, a member of Edina Community Lutheran Church (a woke and LGBTQ+ inclusive assembly) uploaded a video of their female pastor adorned in her liturgical garb, reciting the Sparkle Creed (in lieu of that shabby and poorly written Apostles’ Creed) as she leads the congregation in worship. Now the video has gone viral, and some people have been quite upset. I cannot imagine why, so I thought a little commentary may put your mind at ease and give us some clarity on the subject at hand.

 So, get ready, its time to lace up your sparkly boots as we take an amazing journey through the Snarky Creed. You will here come face to face with the non binary, fabulously dressed, tunic wearing god, who shatters the earth with his white rainbow light, giving diversity to all earth dwelling siblings (and possibly unicorns and dragons as well) So here we go, through the “All that Sparkles Does Not Shine” creed. Oops, did I get that wrong again?

The full creed is as follows:

I believe in the non-binary God whose pronouns are plural.

I believe in Jesus Christ, their child, who wore a fabulous tunic and had two dads and saw everyone as a sibling-child of God.

I believe in the rainbow Spirit, who shatters our image of one white light and refracts it into a rainbow of gorgeous diversity.

I believe in the church of everyday saints as numerous, creative, and resilient as patches on the AIDS quilt, whose feet are grounded in mud and whose eyes gaze at the stars in wonder.

I believe in the calling to each of us that love is love is love, so beloved, let us love.

I believe, glorious God. Help my unbelief. Amen.

First thing that must be addressed is what is a non binary God whose pronouns are plural?

We are not quite sure, but if you press us for a concrete definition, we will have no doubt you are a bigoted white supremacist, and possibly someone who hurts puppies. But there is one thing you can be sure of, he is not a being who could possibly have any opinion or authority on or over anything or anyone. Unless, of course, it agrees with our non binary, gender fluid, androgynous and racially diverse ideology. But this is the cardinal rule, that what we do believe is that you can never pin down, or state exactly what we believe, let alone define it. But, you must, and we repeat must believe that there is no true belief. If this makes no sense to you, you are obviously a Trump supporter.

Next, we come to the heart of this Snarky Creed. The Son of God, and His all glorious and magnificent attributes. Is He the Omniscient, Infinite, Self-Sufficient, Omnipresent, Sovereign Judge of the world and Savior of His people?

That’s not our god! (gleefully chanting) That God is obviously non affirming, bigoted and backwards. The God of that stature would most likely judge the world in equity and fairness! (Shuddering)

 What we can tell you about him is (drumroll please)…. He has two dads and wears a fabulous tunic! (And fortunately for him, one dad (Joseph, we are guessing) identified as a woman so he/she could give birth to him and now we have word that thankfully he/she identifies as a male again). Whew, that was a close one. That was almost a normal functioning family unit. But thankfully everyone is a beautiful, light refracting, rainbow shattering (or is it rainbow refracting and light shattering?) sibling in this culturally diverse, and all inclusive family. Even Herod and Pilate were among his fav siblings. We have it on good authority that it was Racial Inequity and Institutional Systematic Racism that drove Herod to his baby killing spree. Pilate was marginalized because of his sexual orientation, and who could blame him? Or what about those pesky but loveable dictators (and honestly just misunderstood) Joey Stalin and Bennie Mussolini? Jesus says that they are just alright with him! (Thumbs up and a wink.)

 But the best part is his fabulous wardrobe. Why do you think they cast lots for his clothes? Come on people, think! Fun fact, did you know that ZZ Tops’ ‘Sharp Dressed Man’ was actually about Jesus and his California Closet? Bet you didn’t! 

I believe in the rainbow Spirit, who shatters our image of one white light and refracts it into a rainbow of gorgeous diversity.

Do you mean, do we believe in the rainbow Spirit who destroyed every living creature from the face of the planet except for seven people because of the evil and wickedness that was infecting the earth Spirit? We didn’t think so.

I believe in the church of everyday saints as numerous, creative, and resilient as patches on the AIDS quilt, whose feet are grounded in mud and whose eyes gaze at the stars in wonder.

Now this is my favorite part of the creed. I know for myself personally, especially on sleepless nights, I have found such solace in meditating on the fact that Christ’s church has the resiliency of the patches on the AIDS quilt! Think of the craftsmanship, the creativity of the seamstress with her/his mighty thread.  This is mind boggling, folks! And, if after contemplating that little gem, and I am still wide awake, I will run to the backyard and stick my feet in the mud while I gaze at the stars in wonder. Now people, this really brings your anxiety level next to zero. I mean, really, who does not find this all so comforting, sheesh! (Disclaimer: The level of your comfort will increase only if you wash your feet before returning to bed.)

I believe in the calling to each of us that love is love is love, so beloved, let us love.

Hey, we believe in the calling that love is love is love! I guess because I am beloved, that is the precursor for being able to love! I am actually thinking that if keep repeating the word love enough times that I really will love….? We love, love, love, everyone because we are so inclusive of all. Let us love, beloved, with the love that we love and then after all is said and done, we will love again dearly beloved. (Rinse and repeat.)

EXCEPTIONS: (Not a comprehensive list)

Orthodox Christians, Right Wing Conservatives, Trump supporters, Pro-lifers or anyone who affirms their binary origins, orthodox Christians, parents who want a say so in their children’s medical procedures, any and all things with the acronym MAGA, orthodox Christians, Tucker Carlson, any and all white male authority figures, Trump supporters, members of the NRA, Border Patrol agents, orthodox Christians, and Mama’s Pizzeria…(We are not sure why we hate Mama’s, but we will find a reason). And don’t forget orthodox Christians! But, most importantly always remember, love is love is love!

   I believe, glorious God. Help my unbelief. Amen.

We believe, and affirm and trust and conclude, and believe again and are very certain, with no doubt that you are this glorious god aforementioned. Help our unbelief.

(Insert eye roll here.)

So I actually started out to write this as a serious blog. After just having written on the importance of Creeds and Confessions, about how they are guardrails to protect us from heresy, and how they encourage us to purity, unity and faithfulness to the Apostolic teachings, I had planned to combine the ‘Sparkle Creed’ in the first article. But I just could not make it fit, it felt wrong, like putting a shot of doggie do in with your Frappuccino. What does light have to do with darkness kind of thing right?

 I next attempted to write a serious apologetic on this creed. After about 3 hours, I gave up. The reason being is, it’s so obviously blasphemous, incomprehensible and utterly ridiculous that I decided to give back what it is giving. After listening to a response of this sparkle creed, Doug Wilson states, “I keep telling myself we’ve hit rock bottom now (shaking his head and chuckling) but, no, no….the Sparkle Creed.” That about sums it up. Anyway, I hope you always remember, folks, all that sparkles does not shine.

Until next time salutations & selah.