RALEIGH, NC – A man who sat down to have a personal Bible study was shocked when he received divine revelation from God that he was the long-awaited Prophet Elijah.

Robert Allan Chaff (A.K.A., the Prophet Elijah), a former member of Revelation Church in Matthews, NC, had given up on organized religion opting instead for “spirit-led” quiet times and “meditative worship”.

It wasn’t until a year after he quit his local church that he received a stunning revelation from the Lord that he was the end-time Elijah mentioned in scripture.

“It was a day like any other”, Robert/the Prophet Elijah said. He’d just returned home from astral projecting with his girlfriend to find his Bible lying open on the kitchen counter to the book of Malachi.

“I always close my Bible before leaving the house,” Robert/the Prophet Elijah told The Dirge. “It was a total surprise to see it open—to the book of Malachi of all books. I mean…I don’t really read the Old Testament.”

“I felt this heat—this sort of warming sensation spread throughout my body and knew the spirt was leading me. So, I did what I always do…closed my eyes, asked Jesus to take the wheel, and just pointed to a verse.”

“My finger landed on Malachi 4:5. I started reading and man…it was like the scales had finally fallen from my eyes.”

That’s not all that fell that day. After reading through the chapter, Robert/the Prophet Elijah fell to the floor in a state of religious ecstacy.

“At first, I thought I was having one of my seizures, but then all these images—I guess you can call them visions—popped in my head and I was like, nope…this is God. When I opened my eyes, I heard God tell me, as clearly as I’m telling you, that I was Elijah.

When asked what the voice sounded like, Robert/the Prophet Elijah smiled and said “This is going to sound crazy but—it kind of sounded like Morgan Freeman.”

Convinced of this revelation, Robert/the Prophet Elijah did what any good modern-day prophet would do and made a YouTube video.

“I didn’t want to hide my light under a bushel. When the Spirit leads you, you act. No questions. I had to tell the world who I was. I got a lot of negativity…but there was a lot of love too.”

That’s an understatement. The YouTube video, which has since gone viral, sparked a firestorm of controversy with many praising Robert/the Prophet Elijah (including Pastor Joel Osteen who invited him to prophesy over his congregation) and many others blasting Robert for heresy.

“Look, there’s nothing wrong with personal Bible studies,” said one pastor, Mike Roddy of New Covenant Reformed Community Church in Buffalo, NY, “but when that’s all you do, you end up with people like the unfortunately named Mr. Chaff. God’s people need to be under the authority and teaching of a local church.”

Robert/the Prophet Elijah remains undaunted in the face of criticism though. “Haters gonna hate. When you have an experience like I had, there’s just no doubt. I just know…you know?”

His biggest support comes from his mother, Lilly Chaff, who quit her job to become her son’s full-time manager.

“He used to get these seizures as a kid—had to wear this little helmet.” Mrs. Chaff said in a recent interview with The Dirge. “He was diagnosed with epilepsy but now I wonder…were those “seizures” actually visions from the Lord?”

She’s convinced they were and, to make up for lost time, packs Robert/the Prophet Elijah’s schedule with speaking engagements, prophetic readings, and climate intercession sessions where he prays for rain and apologizes to plants.

“People think I’m living this pampered life because I travel all over the world, get paid a lot of money, and hang out with celebrities and stuff, but being a prophet is hard work. It’s a burden I’ll gladly bear though.”

With the support of those closest to him, and a divine charge from God himself, Robert/the Prophet Elijah feels unstoppable and says he won’t rest until the whole world experiences “the positivity and good vibes of Jesus Christ.”

Editor’s note: Since publishing this article, Robert/the Prophet Elijah has been hospitalized after a public attempt to be fed by Ravens went terribly wrong. Our thoughts, prayers, and positive vibes are with him and his family.

Until next time, salutations and selah.

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