“Is this Amber, the mother of Sebastian Frederick?”

“Yes…”

“I’m so sorry, but Dr. Batahally is requesting that you and your husband come to Sebastian’s bedside immediately. His vitals dropped this morning. The doctors are trying to stabilize him, but he’s not responding well. Please come as quickly as you can.”

On the morning of January 9th, 2022, just five days after giving birth to my son Sebastian Rashaw Frederick, I received the above call from one of the NICU nurses. My husband and I ran red lights to get to the hospital, our greatest fear quickly becoming a reality. A few hours later, our son was dead.

There are a million clichés I could use to describe what my husband and I felt seeing our little boy lying lifeless on that medical table: Our hearts stopped. Our stomachs dropped. We couldn’t breathe…Suffice it to say that our world came to a very sudden and painful halt.

But in the days and weeks that followed, from the tear-eyed phone calls, to the surreal visit to the mortuary, to removing the bassinet from our bedside and closing the nursery door, my husband and I experienced an amazing truth…

GOD. IS. FAITHFUL.

That’s Christianity 101, I know, but so much of what we “believe” as Christians is mere mental ascent. It takes the fires of trials, the low valleys of suffering to show us what we really believe and to brand these beliefs on our hearts as TRUTH.

It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.

Psalm 119:71

No one wants to learn God’s decrees this way. I surely didn’t. But in the same way that pruning is necessary to keep plants healthy and alive, so too are trials.

It is a melancholy fact, that constant temporal prosperity, as a general rule, is injurious to a believer’s soul. We cannot stand it. Sickness, and losses, and crosses, and anxieties, and disappointments seem absolutely needful to keep us humble, watchful, and spiritual-minded. […] They are not pleasant to the flesh and blood. We do not like them, and often do not see their meaning. […] We shall find that all worked out for our good when we reach heaven.

“Holiness” by J.C. Ryle, p. 134

Thankfully, God does not charge us to suffer and then leave us to struggle in life’s tempest alone. We have the promises in His word (Deut 31:8, Mat 5:4, Rom 15:13).

Oh, how alive scripture becomes when you’re in the valley! How precious are his words when your cheeks are tear-stained and your heart hangs like a loadstone in your chest! How GREAT the assurance we have in Christ! How trustworthy is our God!

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 23:4

Greater still, suffering is not wasted in our lives. It not only humbles us and increases our faith and trust in God, it edifies and strengthens the Body. Think of Elizabeth Elliot, Horatio Spafford, and Joni Eareckson, to name a few.

Most, if not all of us, are familiar with these names. They are great men and women of faith who experienced shocking, life-altering tragedies but whose faith in the midst of those trials has encouraged generations upon generations of Christians.

After her husband was killed in Ecuador by Waodani warriors, Elisabeth Elliot could have cursed God and given up on missions. Instead, she trusted God and later returned with her daughter to live among and minister to the same people who killed her husband.

After losing all five of his children and much of his wealth and property, Horatio Spafford could have turned bitter and angry at his lot in life. Instead, he trusted God and penned the words to what’s arguably one of the greatest hymns of all time, “It is Well With My Soul.”

After an accident that left her a quadriplegic in a wheelchair, Joni Eareckson could have shut down and lived in a state of depression her whole life. Instead, she trusted God and through numerous books, a radio show, and her art, encourages and comforts the disabled community within the church.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer.

2 Corinthians 1:3-6

We’re not allowed to be selfish even in our grief. This has been one the hardest truths for me to accept.

I have to guard myself against bitterness when I see God bless other couples with healthy babies. I have to guard myself against anger towards God and thinking him cruel for allowing my son to die. I have to deny myself, trust God, and learn his decrees, so that I can edify the Body.

It’s an uphill battle, dear sisters. There are times I think I’ve reached the summit only to find myself brought low again. But God is making something beautiful out of this tragedy, and by his grace and strength, we will make it through.

My husband and I will continue to cling to the promise that we’ll see our son again in the next life, and that God will be the lifter of our heads and a sure and steady anchor in this life.

So, wherever this post finds you, whether you’re in the valley or on the mountaintop, you don’t have to fear life’s troubles. God is true to his word.

Like the Apostle Peter who walked on water, if you keep your eyes trained on Christ, the waves will not consume you.

I come, God, I come
Return to the Lord
The one who’s broken
The one who’s torn me apart
You struck down to bind me up
You say You do it all in love
That I might know You in Your suffering

Though You slay me
Yet I will praise You
Though You take from me
I will bless Your name
Though You ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need

My heart and flesh may fail
The earth below give way
But with my eyes, with my eyes I’ll see the Lord
Lifted high on that day
Behold, the Lamb that was slain
And I’ll know every tear was worth it all

Though You slay me
Yet I will praise You
Though You take from me
I will bless Your name
Though You ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need

Though tonight I’m crying out
Let this cup pass from me now
You’re still all that I need
You’re enough for me
You’re enough for me

Though You slay me
Yet I will praise You
Though You take from me
I will bless Your name
Though You ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need

“Though You Slay Me”, Shane & Shane, 2013

Until next time, salutations and selah.